Sentinel - Chapter Twenty-six

Title: Sentinel
Author: Golddragon85/Tovaras
Game: Mass Effect
characters/pairing: Male John Shepard/Kaidan Alenko
Disclaimer: I own nothing besides my own playthrough of the games. ... Sadly, I don't make money out of it.

***

Waiting for News:

Time had a strange way of flowing when you were trying to pass it at the same time as you were waiting for something.
It felt like Kaidan had sent the message just last week and was now waiting, hoping for an answer at the same time as the days went slowly by. In truth, two weeks had actually passed since Kaidan had sent that message, but it certainly didn't feel like it.
At least not until the reports started dropping in, one after the other.

Shepard had just sacrificed an entire colony of Batarians for the sake of destroying a mass relay.

Shepard had infiltrated a Collector ship.

Shepard had destroyed several Cerberus bases because of a rogue VI.
Kaidan was still trying to figure out that one amongst all the other things he had heard.

And those were just the big things that had spread like wild-fire, but Kaidan sat on a lot of information that had been gathered and sent to him.
Exactly when he got responsible for what was now nick-named “the Shepard files”, he didn’t know and he honestly didn’t know what to think about it as reports, old and new, seemed to be sent his way. Either someone had decided that, since he was one of the few officers who had worked up close with Shepard, he should be in charge of judging the reports, or everything Shepard had done was only now starting to surface. And he couldn't deny that Shepard had been very busy since Horizon.
What did bother him though was that he just got the general reports, not the actual reports that had been sent to either Hackett or Anderson. They were always marked as classified and after Hackett had given him cryptic answers and Anderson simply saying “I cannot comment on it”, Kaidan had given up on asking.
Even with the rank of “Commander”, there was certain things he couldn’t get access too.

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to know though, especially as he tried to wrap his head around the deal with the Batarians when he first got that report.
The Batarians were, understandably, after blood for that one, but there was a note in the files that made Kaidan stop and think as he read it.
Shepard was willing to let himself be arrested and put to trial for it, as long as he got to finish his mission first.

Just that alone made Kaidan realise that something about the general report was off and he requested to see the original report written by Shepard himself. There was clearly more to it than just the destruction of a mass relay and an entire colony because some woman went mad.
By the time he got that wish granted, Shepard had already infiltrated the Collector ship and gotten away with it with his life and crew still intact, but in return, Kaidan was slowly getting a sense of calm.
The general reports and the rumours had said nothing about why Shepard had done what he had done. Upon reading the truth, or at least the truth as Shepard had written it, Kaidan had felt a little better. But only a little.
It wasn’t the first time Shepard has sacrificed a lot of people for the “good of the mission”, but Kaidan had been there when Shepard had made that particular choice and he knew how much it had weighed down on the man. He suspected that there was a similar reason as to why Shepard had let this happen, but without being there himself…
It was a harder pill to swallow.

He didn’t get much time to reflect on it as the next report came in, describing the details of when Shepard had infiltrating what had supposedly been an abandoned Collector ship.

The Alliance had, by then, almost stopped sending people out on mission, only where they were requested by Hackett as the Admiral tried his best to keep things under control.
It was almost like he was trying to keep people out of Shepard’s way, but exactly why was unclear and nobody was asking by now.
Something big was going on and what infuriated Kaidan the most was that people seemed to blatantly ignore it, even as it more or less stared people in the face.

So he continued to watch, continued to wait and he continued to work on whatever he could, and there was one thing that he couldn't deny, even if he wanted to.
Shepard had been busy. And efficient.

The collector attacks weren’t stopping, though they were less frequent than before. He had all but taken over that duty as well, sending people to locations were Collectors were spotted to investigate, though it rarely bore fruit.
But at least he was doing something and he took comfort in that fact.

He had also started to think more seriously about Anderson’s suggestion, even dropping in on the Spec-Ops training by holo-cam to watch the instructors and listening to exactly what they were doing. Just to get a taste of what was asked of him.
While the instructors did good work and it was an honour to even be considered for such a role, he still wasn’t sure if he was cut out for it.
It was serious work, dangerous work. It wasn’t exactly the N7 program, but the classes were tough. Only the best continued.

Kaidan did not feel good enough to become their teacher.

Anderson was nothing but persistent though, claiming that it had to be him, that he was the most logical choice, but Kaidan still wasn’t sure.
Especially not what Anderson revealed that he didn’t only want him to become a teacher for the Spec-Ops Biotic Division. He wanted Kaidan to take over the program for him.
He wanted Kaidan to take part and lead the first Special Operations Division that specialised on individuals with biotic abilities.

And there was a huge difference between taking part of a program and taking over the program.

“Just what does it mean,” Kaidan asked just a couple of weeks after Shepard’s miraculous escape from the Collector ship. He had just gotten the briefing from Anderson, having asked to be kept up to date as much as Anderson could allow, when the thought had hit him.
“When you say that you want me to take over the program.”

“It means exactly what I say,” Anderson had replied, running a hand over his chin as he read over a report on his computer screen.
Kaidan merely watched, leaning against the wall next to the door, arms crossed over his chest.
“While biotics in the Alliance is no longer something new, we’ve never has proper specialised training for them. At least not to this extend. Human biotics have only been training properly for the last twenty or so years and we want to give them a chance to reach further, to further enhance their abilities. The Spec-Ops program has enough people to expand, and creating a Spec-Ops division that specialises in biotics is something that is, in my opinion, long overdue. And you, Alenko, are amongst the first, and best human biotics.”

“There is a big difference between being a biotic and teaching biotics, sir,” Kaidan replied, one eyebrow raised, hoping that his ears weren’t as red as they felt.
“Just because I am a biotic doesn’t mean I am qualified to teach people how to use their skills, especially not someone who’s a part of the Spec-Ops team.”

“And why not,” Anderson had asked, looking up from his screen and towards Kaidan.
“You have something many human biotics don’t have, namely hands on experience. You have seen both the ugly and the good. You have seen the results from using your biotics and not using them. Of enhancing them. You were one of the many unfortunate who got to taste the first training and you grew from it.”

“That’s certainly one way of putting it,” Kaidan mumbled, but quickly shut up when Anderson gave him a look.
“I see where you are getting at, sir,” he corrected himself, straightening himself up a little, unfolding his arms from over his chest and placing them behind his back instead.
“But… I am still not sure if I am what you are looking for. I mean, me and teaching..?”

“And I stand by what I say, Alenko,” Anderson said.
“I think you will be, in my opinion, the perfect choice.”

When Kaidan failed to respond, Anderson merely gave him a small smile. “Just continue to think about it for a couple of more weeks. In the meantime, I am sure you have enough to do with the continuing stream of Shepard rumours.”

“I am still wondering why I am responsible for them,” Kaidan replied, pushing himself away from the wall.

“Because you are just about the only one who is still able to keep a neutral eye on what is going on, even with your distaste for Cerberus. Either people are throwing shit after Shepard, or they are glorifying him. Neither are things that Shepard currently need.”
Anderson hesitated for a moment before looking at Kaidan. “In fact… There is something I have been meaning to ask you.”

Kaidan stopped his pacing. He wasn’t even sure when he had started.
“Sir?”

Anderson didn’t continue speaking right away. Instead he straightened up in his chair before slowly standing up.
“I want you to defend Shepard once he finishes his mission, should he survive.”

Kaidan flinched. “… Sir?”

Anderson held his hand up, though he didn’t look at Kaidan.
“I know this is asking a lot of you, Commander. I know I have asked a lot of you in the last months, but I am asking you for a reason.”
He finally turned his head to look at the biotic, bringing his hand back down. “I am asking you because I know you can be trusted with this. All of it. And the reason I am asking you to defend Shepard in the time to come, should it come, is simply because of your relationship with him.”

Kaidan tried not to grimace. “Sir, I think that-“
He shut up as Anderson lifted his hand again, inhaling slowly and deeply.

“Listen, Alenko. I know Horizon was tough on you. I am not going to ask why you reacted the way you did,” he started, making Kaidan bite his lip hard, remaining silent as Anderson continued to talk.
“But out of everyone in the galaxy, you are the one that sit on the exact same experience as Shepard does when it comes to the Reapers. You were a part of his crew, you saw yourself what had to be done when it came to stopping just one of them. The Batarians are after blood; Shepard’s blood, and Shepard is willing to give himself up to them as soon as he is done.”

Kaidan nodded. He had read the reports and, as Anderson said, he knew the man.

“But I am not going to give him to them without a fight. I know Shepard didn’t sacrifice that colony for no reason.”

“Sir, even if that is true, why do you want me to defend him?” Kaidan protested, gesturing to himself with both hands.
“I was not there, I don’t know his reasons or the situation. All I know is the general reports and the parts of the official reports that I was allowed to read.”

“But you know Shepard,” Anderson said, making Kaidan deflate ever so slightly.

It was the same “argument” he had used right after Horizon and it left the biotic with a odd sense of bitterness as well as sorrow, with pride hidden well underneath the layers of hurt.

Anderson was a lot of things and one of them was smart, and he could see the look that appeared in Kaidan’s eyes when he had spoken.
“Alenko,” he said as he walked up to him, placing his hands on the biotics' shoulders before giving them a squeeze.
“Think about it,” he murmured, nodding his head a little. “Not just what we have spoken about now, but all of it. From the start.”

“You are asking a lot of me,” Kaidan whispered, but there was something raw and honest in his voice.
“I know you are aware, Sir, but…”

He hesitated, but Anderson nodded at him, encouraging him to continue. “Talk to me, Alenko. Off the record. This will be between you and me.”

Kaidan looked to the side for a moment, once again feeling like a child rather than a grown man. He just didn’t know what to say or how to say the few things he was able to conjure up in his mind.
“It’s… Complicated, Sir.”

“It usually is,” Anderson replied.
“For what it is worth, Alenko, I am not doing this to punish you or make you feel uncomfortable. The reason why I am asking you to do this is because I know how much Shepard means to you. It is obvious that he still does mean something or you wouldn’t react in the way you are. And I know you mean a lot to Shepard. He wouldn’t have asked the questions he did if he didn’t still have your best interest in mind. Maybe you will never be as close as you used to be, but tell me this. Would you be able to live with yourself if you didn’t do all that you could for something you know is right?”

Kaidan licked over his lips as he thought about what Anderson was saying.
It wasn’t hard to understand what Anderson meant, but there was a dual-message hidden in the words.
It wasn’t just about what Shepard had done, but also about him and Shepard.

He made it sound so damn easy.
Kaidan wished it was that damn easy.

“What do you want me to do,” he finally said after a minute had passed in silence, finally looking into Anderson’s eyes as he turned his head back.

“I want you to do what you do best,” Anderson said, squeezing Kaidan’s shoulders again before releasing him.
“I want you to do what’s right.”

“That’s… Not a lot to go by, Sir.”

“It’s enough,” Anderson said, giving Kaidan a warm smile as he moved back to his desk.
“You will know what to do when the time for it comes. For now, we have more pressing matters to handle.”

How Anderson could switch between subject with such ease, Kaidan would never understand, while all he himself could do was nod and cough out a quick “Yes, Sir,” as he approached the desk again.
Still, he was grateful for the shift in subject. It seemed like every time he thought about Shepard these days, it just sent his head spinning. The fact that Shepard still hadn't answered the e-mail he had sent him didn't really help either. It was either the a clear answer to what Shepard's feelings were, or he didn't want Kaidan to get involved.

They continued their work without further discussion on the matter of Shepard, at least not Shepard alone. They had a case to build for the Council about the Collectors and Kaidan wanted to do all he could to help Anderson when he took it up with the Councillors again. The evidence was right there, it just wasn't very strong...
The fact that, as Kaidan still loathed to think about, Shepard was with Cerberus did nothing to help in the cause either.

Neither did Udina as he came marching into Anderson's office, looking a tad red in the face.
"Councillor, I must speak with you."

Anderson sighed and nodded. "Very well, I suppose I can spare some time."

Kaidan remained hunched over the computer until he heard Udina clear his throat in a not-so-discreet manner. "Alone, Councillor."

Anderson raised an eyebrow before looking at Kaidan, nodding his head once. "We will wrap this up later, Commander Alenko. I'll send you the reports so you can continue to look at them until next time."

"Yes, Councillor," Kaidan said, snapping a salute at Anderson (old habits really died hard) before turning and leaving, giving Udina a respectful nod with his head as he passed him.
He didn't dislike the guy, but Udina was definitely... Passionate about his job.

He didn't even wait for Kaidan to leave the room before he started talking.
Or as Kaidan called it, ranting.

"Councillor, you must stop aiding the Alliance constantly about Shepard, you have to think about what is best for hu-," was the last thing Kaidan heard as the doors slid shut behind him. He already felt sorry for Anderson, but if there was anyone who could handle Udina and his rants, it was Anderson.

As for him...
Well, there was very little for him to do, now that the Alliance seemed to stay out of everybody's business. Or rather, seemed to keep him out of business, preferring to have him somewhat stationed. As if they were afraid he would change his mind and run after Shepard after all...
All he could do was wait for Anderson to send him the reports they had been writing together so he could add to it, if he felt the need to.

With that in mind he returned back to the Alliance base, hoping that he could at least get something done that was of use, be it for the Alliance, for Anderson or, if that was even possible, for Shepard.

As he entered the Alliance base, flashing his ID so he could get clearance, Kaidan only made a brief pit-stop by the coffee-maker before returning to his desk, not even bothering to check his mail because his omnitool hadn't given him any notifications.
When he reached his desk though, there was something else waiting for him.

There, laying next to his computer screen and the empty wrappings of a protein-bar was a compad, it's top-light flashing insistently.
Frowning, Kaidan picked it up with his free hand and opened the blinking message with his other hand, using his pinkie-finger. He wasn't expecting anything and the fact that it had just been left on his desk made him more than a little curious.
What he found out though was enough to make him sit down heavily onto his chair, almost dropping his coffee over his lap. He was sure he made for an amusing sight, with his eyes wide and mouth slightly open, but at the moment he couldn't have cared less.

The message was from Hackett and was in itself small, but informative.

Shepard was now on his way to the Omega 4 relay and there was nothing that could be done to stop him, even if the Alliance wanted to.